This month I have been making a point to reconnect with old friends. Not just a quick text, but time shared with them. It is funny that it is hard to find one on one time with the people I care about, sometimes I wonder how other tasks and engagements have become more important.
I think that I am at my best one on one, because I truly enjoy listening, catching up and sharing new ideas.
Today I found time with a friend by jumping on her schedule and attending a play. We had an hour commute, to and fro to re connect. It was awesome.
Last weekend, the opportunity came when a friend had an evening at home, alone without family and didn’t feel like going out. She loves to cook, I love to eat and make conversation. We invited a few others, it was spontaneous and intimate. Perfect.
I find that I really enjoy spending time with a person by doing what they love to do.
When my son was little I worked hard at paying attention to what he was interested in. At first it was really hard to engage in his play, or what he was reading, watching or talking about. Before too long I discovered it was a wonderful way to see him in a new way, to understand how he sees and thinks about the world around him.
Little did I understand until later that it also sent a message to him that said, “you are valued, and what you like is interesting.” He is older now and still loves to share with me. It is natural. He knows that I am not pretending to be interested.
When I began to teach 7th grade, and when I started my parenting classes, I was surprised how few parents actually spent time engaged in their child’s free time. Yes parents were overly engaged in schoolwork, after school activities, performances and sports and polished events. But when asked if they could just hang out with their child for 15 minutes in the play of their choice, most everyone cringed. The mere thought of it induced, boredom or fear.
When given the assignment to try it for one week the results were magical. Every parent said they had a new appreciation for their child and how they saw the world. They also reported that their relationship with their child was better.
I think the fastest way to show anyone that we respect and value them is to find time to be with them one on one and engage in the activity of their choice, even for 15 minutes.
